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Issa and Molly Lose at Life Again

Issa and Molly See the foolishment in each other but not themselves

Wowzers. What to say about the disaster twins Issa and Molly? These women keep losing at life. The distance between reality and these two never ceases to amaze me. First we have Issa who is still salty (pardon the pun) about her fellatio facial with Daniel and the fact that her hoe-tation skills are incredibly sub-par. For someone who made such a big production of performing oral sex (she took a class for it!), she is still shockingly angry that Daniel came even though he gave her fair warning. She talks to Molly on the phone so that they can lament together about this predictable ending to a blow job. Molly even volunteers to egg his house as revenge. What grade are these women in?

During this self-pity session, Molly confesses to Issa that she’s still seeing Dro despite the fact that he’s married (but in an open relationship). They both judge each other for their bad romantic decisions. What is relatable about these two is that they can totally see when the other person is failing at life, but they cannot see it in themselves. This quality is equal parts endearing and frustrating.

Tiffany invites Issa to Derek’s birthday party

Meanwhile, Tiffany has arranged a birthday dinner for Derek, and invites both Issa and Lawrence. Tiffany low-key irks the shit of me. She definitely has delusions of grandeur. She’s so invested in portraying the her marriage as the union of a power couple, that she’s willing to put her supposed friend, Issa in the uncomfortable position of having to see her ex in public.  I’m curious to see if her relationship gets exposed as a fraud at some point. After seething to herself that she has to see her ex again, Issa decides to Facebook stalk him only to find that he’s already blocked her. This makes her BIG MAD. Cut to another one of Issa’s angry mirror soliloquies.

Lawrence is just as clueless as ever

Lawrence is a nice enough guy, but seriously, he just exhausts me. He’s apparently started hanging out with his work colleague Aparna. He tries to play it cool when his coworkers ask him what he did last night, but Aparna has already divulged to the group that they hung out. This is one of the major reasons why office romances are a terrible idea. (Full disclosure: I married my boss, but I can judge Lawrence and Aparna because they are fictional characters, so whatevs.) Lawrence exhausts me because he still hasn’t taken time to deal with his emotions about his breakup with Issa. He decides that it would be a good idea to bring Aparna to Derek’s birthday dinner, despite the fact that he knows all his friends will be there, and so will his ex. Who just brings a random plus one to a private birthday dinner? Lawrence, that’s who. Sigh…

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Molly tries to negotiate for a raise at work that doesn’t go well

Poor Molly. While she’s busy pining away for a married man who rarely takes her out in public (while simultaneously ignoring a brother who seems genuinely interested in her AND emotionally available), her professional career is struggling as well. Her “white boy summit” to petition for a raise doesn’t go well at all. They won’t even agree to discuss a pay raise until next year. Meanwhile, they are paying her white male colleague more than her. Welcome to being a black woman in corporate America, Molly. It sucks, doesn’t it?

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Guess who’s coming to dinner?

The birthday dinner happens and Molly is humiliated when she realizes that she is not someone who Dro will bring out in public as his lady. She played the embarrassed side chick relegated to stealing glances from across the room and wallowing in her own misery. I rolled my eyes so hard, that I think I saw my brain. This was beyond pathetic, and I was embarrassed for her.

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Then Lawrence shows up to a very nice restaurant with Aparna in head to toe denim like an extra from Brokeback Mountain. He seems embarrassed and says he didn’t realize that the birthday dinner was a sit down dinner. Even though it’s in a nice restaurant. And nice restaurants are known for serving people meals in a seated position. Everyone just kind of rolls their eyes at Lawrence showing up with an uninvited plus one. Sometimes I think Lawrence has a traumatic brain injury. He’s just really bad at life to me.

Issa and Lawrence exchange tense glances at one another before Issa knocks back cocktails like a sailor on weekend furlough. Irritated at the whole situation, Issa eventually storms out and Lawrence follows behind her. They argue outside the restaurant and throw some very nasty verbal jabs at each other. We find out the reason Lawrence blocked Issa on social media is because he was tired of being triggered by seeing the photo of her and Daniel at the diner. He calls her a ho, and let’s his fragile masculinity show. She attacks his career, laziness, and depression. It wasn’t a pretty scene.

Meanwhile, when Dro gets up to go to the bathroom, Molly senses an opportunity to confront him about neglecting her all night. They go into the restaurant bathroom to discuss things. And by “discuss things,” I mean Dro puts his Blaxican voodoo on her and has her propped up on the bathroom sink and has her eyes rolling into the back of her head. Molly’s dignity goes down the drain of that sink after Dro tells her to wait a few minutes before leaving the bathroom so they won’t be seen exiting together. I’m beyond through with Molly at this point. She knows better than this, but continues down this path of heartbreak. As she exits the bathroom, she runs into Issa, who instantly knows what’s transpired, and helps her friend adjust her dress and her hair. She doesn’t say anything judgemental, but you know on the inside she’s like:

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Molly returns home alone and talks to her mother on the phone. She finally gets to talk to her mother about why she stayed in the marriage with her father. Her mother says simply that she loved him more than he hurt her. After they hung up, Dro texted Molly asking to set up another date. Molly texts back that she can’t do this anymore, but I’m not convinced. Something about him makes Molly very stupid.

Bad night gets worse

After the horrible dinner,  Issa returns home to find a rent increase notice on her door. This is the fly on her pile of shit day. It’s all too much. She responds by tearing up all her cheap swap meet furniture.